Turly's collection of drinking-related aphorisms
(Culled from the FinderPop AboutBox)
- The wages of gin is breath. -- Anon.
- Wine is as good as life to a man, if it be drunk moderately: what is life then to a man that is without wine? For it was made to make men glad. -- Ecclesiasticus
- Beer. So much more than just a breakfast drink! -- Anon.
- When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. -- Henry Youngman
- When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror like his passengers. -- Anon.
- An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with fools. -- Ernest Hemingway "For Whom The Bell Tolls"
- Smoking cures weight problems ... eventually. -- Steven Wright
- ...and always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said: "A truck!" -- Emo Phillips
- Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.? -- Oscar Wilde
- What did the Zen Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor? "Make me one with everything." -- Anon.
- Atheism is a non prophet organization. -- Anon.
- A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother. -- Anon.
- If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate. -- Steven Wright
- Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. -- Ernest Hemingway
- He was a wise man who invented beer. -- Plato
- Work is the curse of the drinking class. -- Oscar Wilde
- The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind. -- Humphrey Bogart
- A hangover is the wrath of grapes. -- Anon.
- And a woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke. -- Rudyard Kipling
- Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. -- Ambrose Bierce
- What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch? -- W.C. Fields
- Teaching has ruined more American novelists than drink. -- Gore Vidal
- In Vino Veritas In Cervesio Felicitas -- Anon.
- When money's tight and hard to get and your horse is an also-ran, When all you have is a heap of debt, a pint of plain is your only man. -- Flann O'Brien
- The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober. -- William Butler Yeats
- To drink without thirst and to make love all the time, madam, it is only these which distinguish us from the other beasts. -- Beaumarchais
- Only Irish Coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups - alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. --Alex Levine
- Abstinence is a good thing if practiced in moderation. -- Anon.
- Drunk is feeling sophisticated when you can't say it. -- Anon.
- Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time. -- Catherine Zandonella
- You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. -- Dean Martin
- Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. -- Winston Churchill
- Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. -- Benjamin Franklin
- Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world. -- Kaiser Wilhelm
- I drink to make other people interesting. -- George Jean Nathan
- Beer makes you sick when you're well, Beer when you're sick makes you well. -- By way of Wayne's Dad
- If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs. --David Daye
- The way to fight a woman is with your hat. Grab it and run. --John Barrymore
- If the headache would only precede the intoxication, alcoholism would be a virtue. --Samuel Butler
- There is nothing for a case of nerves like a case of beer. --Joan Goldstein
- To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems. --Homer J. Simpson
- Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the cost becomes prohibitive. --William F Buckley, Jr
- I find the only thing that really stands up, better than gambling, better than booze, better than women, is reading. --Mario Puzo
- If you drink like a fish, don't drive: swim. -- Joe E. Lewis
- Marriage is based on the theory that when a man discovers a particular brand of beer exactly to his taste he should at once throw up his job and go to work in a brewery. -- H. L. Mencken
- I drink too much. Last time I gave a urine sample there was an olive in it. -- Rodney Dangerfield
- 'Twas a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it. -- W.C. Fields
- Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles, called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking. -- Dave Barry
- A little learning is a dangerous thing / Drink deep, or taste not the Pierian Spring / There shallow draughts intoxicate the brain / And drinking largely sobers us again. -- Alexander Pope
- Adhere to Schweinheitsgebot: Don't put anything in your beer that a pig wouldn't eat. -- Attributed to David Geary
- I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. --Frank Sinatra
- Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 1562. -- Anon.
- To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a support group! -- Anon.
- Alcohol is like love: the first kiss is magic, the second is intimate, the third is routine. After that you just take the girl's clothes off. -- Raymond Chandler, "The Long Goodbye"
- We are here to drink beer ... and live our lives so well that Death will tremble to take us. -- Charles Bukowski
- Port is not for the very young, the vain and the active. It is the comfort of age and the companion of the scholar and the philosopher. -- Evelyn Waugh
- I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food! -- Hannu
- In victory, you deserve champagne, in defeat, you need it. -- Napoleon
- It's a naive domestic Burgundy without any breeding, but I think you'll be amused by its presumption. -- James Thurber
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last updated by turly Saturday 7 May 2005